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If women only fall for bad men, why do all the good guys have girlfriends too?

Dear Andrea:
Tell "Large 'n' Lonely" that there are women who like big guys. I'm a petite woman in my 20s, and I like my men to look like men, which means a bit of a belly. I've asked out lots of guys who were 250 pounds or over, but he has to have the whole package: social skills, self-esteem, humor, and clothes that fit. I like big guys, and I'm a beautiful young woman, so I know we're out there.
Love,
Lovin' Large

Dear Love:
Yeah, I know. I said myself that there were women like you for guys like him. I also said that there were even more women for whom "belly or no belly" is simply not the question. Still, I figure Mr. Large and his brethren will be more inspired by a letter from a self-described beautiful young woman who lusts after them than by crabby old me, so you get your say.
Love,
Andrea

Dear Readers:
A good number of you wrote in to agree with last week's Lonely Guy ("Women only like rich guys and assholes") or to coach him ("Work out more, swagger around, get rich"). Everyone – by which I mean everyguy – seems convinced that women only fall for (are we sick enough of this phrase?) "alpha males." I'm not saying it isn't true, but it does raise one question: How come all those beta, gamma, and delta males have girlfriends too?
Love,
Andrea

Dear Andrea:
In the name of Geek Love, please help!

I grew up in a small town, which had a stifling effect on my sexual expression (don't get me wrong: I've had my fair share; I just always felt guilty about it afterward). I now live in Dallas. I met a Bay Area boy online, and we hit it off quite fabulously – he's an Apple geek just like me. We both have digital cameras and high-speed Internet connections, and things got pretty hot there for a while. He opened my mind up to new modes of copulation.

He repeatedly encouraged me to move to San Francisco, which I always dreamed of. About a month ago I finally decided to visit, but was waiting until I got the ticket to surprise him. Two days before I got paid, I got a Dear John e-mail: He was really sorry, he cared for me, but he got back together with his ex. I was crushed.

I wrote that I didn't want to lose him as a friend, didn't hear from him for about a week, wrote that he could at least be man enough to tell me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, which procured a sheepish response from him. After a few exchanges he admitted he wasn't in love with her anymore. He even thought of me while fucking her, which made him sad. He was confused, as he had "the strongest feelings for me as a person could in this kind of situation," but didn't want to hurt her.

He told me recently that he broke up with her and that he still wants to see me, but conversation isn't what it used to be. He hasn't been very responsive to my e-mail (or whenever I run into him online) lately. It's driving me nuts! We were both adamant, when we first met, about honesty being top priority, and although my past track record had proven that I'm an asshole magnet, I really think this dude could be the genuine article.

I have an urge to send him a what-the-fuck-dude?/pay-attention-to-me! message, but I don't want to seem, well ... obnoxious? psychotic? desperate? I don't want to lose a friendship with someone who has showed me that I don't have to feel guilty for wanting lots of hot, enthusiastic cock from a trusted and reliable source. I was so happy that that orgasm-squelching feeling had gone away, and I don't want it to come back again, ever.

Should I go and see him? Should I just give up completely and try and put this all behind me?
Love,
Geek Girl

Dear Girl:
The latter, please.

I think your boy was man enough to tell you he didn't want to see you, but you were (understandably) too dazzled by the allure of guilt-free sex and San Francisco to listen. We all hear what we want to hear, but I would have hoped that the Dear Jane, followed by silence and excuses, would have served to convince you by now that Bay Area Boy is no bargain. He isn't even an option. Sure, he may have changed his mind after it didn't work out with X-Girl, but he didn't change it enough.

Maybe you have been an asshole magnet, but it's time to get yourself degaussed. This particular geek boy is a washout, but the world is full of geek boys. Many spend their off-line hours bemoaning their singlehood, and most would be thrilled to have a girlfriend who speaks their language and likes to fuck. If you haven't seen any of those stories about the Silicon Valley woman shortage, well, just take my word for it.

Provided you're willing to share a crappy Cupertino condo with seven strangers à la Big Brother, maybe it's time to move where the geeks and the sex fiends play. Conversely, you could stay put and hop back online in search of another (non-asshole) virtual playmate. C.U.-C.him all you like. But before you plan any more surprise visits or order any more tickets, make sure that the new one isn't the kind of guy who pity-fucks his ex while dreaming of the girl he's stringing along online.
Love,
Andrea

P.S. Are you absolutely positive that you want a geek boy? My own spent about seven hours today forcing his Sims to give nonconsensual back rubs and then slaughtered them all with the Pool Trick (you order them into the pool, then sell the ladder). Now the lawn is covered with gravestones, and the kitchen is full of flies. Maybe you'd like a nice lawyer instead?